Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The hike.



The Hike.

Matt wanted to go on a hike after the Brussels meet up group event. I thought it was a good idea when he said that it was a leisurely mile and a half hike in the peaceful hills of Escondido. By the time we got to the trail head, the dogs were still panting from being gang banged at the winery, not to mention it was 75 degrees in Escondido. We grabbed water, both dogs, and started the trek. I was already winded after 20 paces- I obviously need to start working out more (New Year’s resolution gone bad). I do love a nice hike and Matt loves it even more. In the effort to be a good, positive, fun girlfriend I throw my best attitude forward (until about 17 minutes into the hike). After about 40 paces, Oscar looks very weathered. He is panting and grunting and his tongue is almost dragging on the ground. We stop at the first shady spot and I pour water into both dogs’ mouths. I tell the dogs, “Don’t worry it’s almost over. It is okay, just relax. Take more water!” I am really telling this to myself but am using the dogs as my cover. Matt is patient as always and is very understanding. We walk some more, take some more breaks- walk some more- take more breaks. After 17 minutes I break my silence. “I hate to tell you this Matt, but this is not a mile and a half! We have been walking for days!” Matt kindly ignores my antics and tells me we are almost to the end. I say, “Oscar is going to pass out!” (again, I was secretly referring to myself). I then proceed to say that I have to carry Oscar or he will never make it. This was a plea to let Matt know how miserable this was becoming. Unfortunately, this actually backfired because I ended up picking up a 25 pound dog to prove my point. I carried him five paces and ‘had to tie my shoe’. Then I started talking about how hungry I was. “I am starving to death!” The problem is that Matt can eat two meals a day and be perfectly happy. I on the other hand need at least six meals a day in order to maintain a positive state of mind. A friend of a friend coined the term ‘Hangry’ which is when you are angry because you are hungry. I have taken a liking to this term because it’s nice to have a diagnosis. Matt again, as patient as he is pulls out a bag of Chile Picante corn nuts he free loaded from the winery. At this point, Matt knows this is, in fact, longer than a mile and a half but hasn’t exactly come clean. I started ignoring Matt once I became too hungry; the corn nuts weren’t cutting it. I knew if I said anything it would be way too bitchy. We came around the bend and you could see the fear in Matt’s face when he saw the steepest hill up ahead which was going to be the only path we could take. He asked if I wanted to take a break and I grouched back, “Let’s just go and be done with this!” I imagined coming up over the hill to see the parking lot- of course not. I stopped to take a break with Oscar because we are both dying. I saw Matt looking at me with a grin on his face and imagined him thinking, “My girlfriend is so cute, even when she is mad.” Instead, he strolls over to me points down at my crotch and says “those pants give you a camel toe.” At this point I lost all faith in myself to be anything other than a bitch. I say, “Well that is really nice!”He then said, “Why? Who cares?” I say, “Everyone in the world knows that the worst thing in the world is to have a camel toe!!” I storm off down the trail adjusting my pants. From there on out I knew I could only ignore him. I was racing down the trail with Oscar following right behind. The shoes I was wearing were my Zumba work-out shoes made for sleek wood floors. Throughout the hike I kept slipping up on the gravel because there is literally no traction. So, I was speed walking ahead of Matt, ignoring him, and adjusting my camel toe when I started going down a small slope and completely lost my footing. I fell on my butt and slid down the hill scraping up my palms. I immediately jumped up and yelled, “I am so tired of dealing with this stupid gravel!”I heard Matt kind of chuckle and I kept walking. All of a sudden I felt him grab my hand and pull me back. He pulled me into his chest and gave me a big hug. It was the first time I smiled in 45 minutes and it felt really good. He dusted off my butt and we held hands the rest of the way. Just as we were getting to the parking lot he admitted that he had misread it and it was actually an hour and a half trail not a mile and a half; I didn't care about this anymore..I just didn't want a camel toe.

4 comments:

  1. Can I just tell you that I love you? Reading about your camel toe might have been the highlight of my morning. I might even have to share this on my blog this Friday for Friday letters. Hope you're ready.

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  2. P.S. I hope you don't really mean that the dogs were raped violently by multiple dogs at the Brussel's meet up. Thanks. Bye.

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  3. Wes and I are laughing so hard right now!

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  4. hahahahhahahhahhahahahahha Amira!!!! I love you so much and I will leave the PS to your imagination...you know I would never mention anything if it weren't 50% true!

    Danielle- you have been one of my biggest supporters on my blog and I can't tell you how much it means to me...really. Glad I can make you chuckle. xo

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