The Untold Stories of the backyard

So I decided to take my chances and leave Oscar in the house without putting him inside of his crate. Every time I decide to do this I always immediately regret it. I was gone for 4 hours. I came home, opened up the front door and was basically slapped in the face with the pungent smell of crap. I was disgusted. I was looking everywhere for Oscar and I could not find him. I was looking everywhere for a pile of poop and also could not find it. So I went outside to the backyard and Oscar came running up to me panting. When I bent down to say hi to him the smell that was radiating off of his body was indescribable. I have smelled poop many times in many different situations; this was like a bag of crap that had been sitting out in the sun for a few weeks and then crapped on again. It was really, really bad. I can't even fathom what had happened in the past 4 hours but I did know that my dog had been double dipped in shit. I threw him outside and closed the dog door so that I could investigate why the house smells like it was bombed with a diarrhea grenade. I looked everywhere and there was nothing...then I checked his blanket on the couch and it smelled horrible. Basically the house stunk because Oscar was in it and there was a dark cloud following him around the house...we can call him Pig-Pen. So I threw the blanket outside, lit every candle in the house and opened every window. I then went and grabbed Oscar to throw him in my bath tub. I had to wash him 7 times to get the smell off of him and then after that I was still so grossed out that I shaved him with my brothers hair clippers (Sorry John Paul). After he was clean I had to investigate. I went outside to the gate where he sometimes sneaks out of and noticed there was a brick covering the hole that he gets out of. This means that someone put him back in the yard and covered the hole with a brick so he couldn’t get out again. This means that someone picked up my dog and put him back in yard when he was covered in straight feces. This person didn’t think to leave a note so that I could bake them cookies for the rest of the year? Who are these freaks...just picking up dogs covered in shit and placing them back in their yards with no recognition. They deserve some sort of an award. I just wish I could get the story. I am so interested in the story and I will never, ever know it. Did Oscar escape and when someone tried to capture him to bring him back he splattered shit all over himself in fright? Did he decide to get out and go roll in 40 day old poop in the alley? Maybe a neighbor had to put him back so many times that they decided to throw crap at him to teach him a lesson? I just have no clue. My imagination runs wild. So needless to say..it will probably be another few months when my memory fails me and I decide to try to 'trust' him again. Keep you posted.